Our son will be 5 this year. We have been contemplating whether or not to have another child (or more children for that matter) but we finally decided to try.
As with our son, it didn't take long for conception to happen. Mama is now pregnant, and as before she is experiencing pregnancy sickness. This time, it's even worse that there are times when I actually feel regret of impregnating her. It's not funny at all.
I should probably get a vasectomy.
A normal Dad with normal family might feel nothing when it comes to expecting a child. For them, they already have the experience. However, I am quite terrified. Friends in Facebook ask me why I am terrified but they can only try to understand my explanation.
Dear son has improved in being more considerate, independently creating artworks (paintings, Play-Doh modeling), eating using utensils, singing, humming, speaking, imagining, etc.
However he still has a lot to improve, and still requires a lot of attention especially since he hasn't been potty-trained and requires assistance to take a bath.
With Mama being unwell, I have to take on a lot of work and as an Aspie it's really heart-breaking to see Mama sick, and to push son away when he requires attention.
Due to the nature of my work, I can sometimes work from home although it is frowned upon by the leadership. During the day, I do what I can by squeezing time here and there to help out with house work. During the night, I still do what I can until son sleeps at around 1-2 AM, sometimes 3 AM.
Then I'll continue doing some of my work until I become too sleepy, and then wake up in the morning for another fresh but sleepy day.
The truth is when son is around he only requires simple attention like playing or listening to his story or explanation about what he sees. However when I am working in front of the computer it's really hard to focus and I end up ignoring him or simply responding with a nod.
It is heart-wrenching to do that.
I am unsure whether other parents feel the same way, or be able to still focus on work while responding to their children.
All I know is that I am trying my best to be a husband and father, and to provide as much as possible for the family I love so much.
- Abah
2 comments:
Aslmkm. Alhamdulillah and congratulations for your 2nd baby. I came across your blog when i was looking for Dr. Raja Juanita. I can understand your concern on having the 2nd baby. Both myself and my husband went throught it. My 1st son was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 3. He is going to 5 now this October. He is still on potty-train and having speech delay (2-3 sentences). Imrproving with the ongoing intensive therapies (OT and speech).
Both my husband and myself had the exact same feeling and the same situation juggling work + our son + financial before we had our 2nd son. And we have no maid at that time. My husband even had to cook for both of us. There's a time when i spotted him with his apron on when i got back from work. Just like you, he tried his best. :)
So many things went through my mind when i was carrying my 2nd son (the what if question - the fear) until it affected my emotion during pregnancy.. That is the point where i submit myself to Allah and Rasul and pray for the best. Somehow it brings me to a situation that i will be prepared in what ever that is destined for me. Yes, i prayed hard, i recite dua, i ate whats good for the baby's development (still cheated with McD sometimes) + supplements etc. The thing is, i learnt to feel "rehda". And the moment i had this feeling, i view things positively rather than feeling worried. I manage work + time with my son, enjoyed my pregnancy and the birth.
Alhamdulilah, our 2nd son is now 10 months and his development shows he's okay. Having had the experience with our 1st son, we are very sensitive towards his development, when he first start to turn, crawl, his first tooth, his responsiveness, reaction etc.
Life is even more challenging for me now when my husband got transferred to his hometown early this year. We hired a maid. Both sons are staying with him with mum-in-law and i will have to take flight back and forth every week to spend time with them. My 1st son is undergoing a personlize therapy over there and i didn't get to see the development of my 2nd son. I had to work here in KL so that financially we are able to sustain.
I am not a religious person and i've done crazy things & bad things in my life. When i first found out about my 1st son, my world collapse, felt hopeless and lost. That is the time i felt no one in this world can help me except Him. Somehow Allah gave me the strength and opportunity to look up at Him and showed me the path which makes me feel calm with the challenges that comes along. I take a step back and i realize that i am now surrounded with positive friends that lead me to His path. Alhamdulillah.
Regards - AD.
Waalaikummussalam. Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sorry for the delay, please see my next post on why I did not notice your comment.
Yes, there is a great challenge and I do like to feel that we're chosen to do this as not everyone will be able to handle it. I've seen so many cases of one of the spouse bailing out because they can't accept that the child is autistic.
As for our family, son actually trained himself on his own and now he can go to the toilet by himself. I did some QC and he is able to clean himself well. Alhamdulillah.
Right now I am struggling with work and trying to get back on my feet, that is why I rarely log in to Blogger. Mama has been improving, Alhamdulillah. So now I need to only focus on work.
I hope things will get better for all of us, In Sha Allah. I believe Allah is just and great.
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